she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
