She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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