Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All the doctor said was why
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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