who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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