I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
