Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
