I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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