i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
