If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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