Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize