Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
