Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
