I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
