Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
