Having a random hookup so left but love u
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
