my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
