Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
