A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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