why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
