i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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