If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she smelled like a LAN party
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Damn victory sex feels great
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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