Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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