We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
So apparently I’m into choking now
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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