well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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