Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
