Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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