Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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