she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
