You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
