She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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