I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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