I swear god or herbie drove my car home
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just invented taco cereal.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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