Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can't turn off my feet"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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