Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
