I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
