I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
