we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
