I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
