My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
