i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
