She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
