I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sober January is a disaster.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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