So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants