and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?