You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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