I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning