when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"