I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
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Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!