Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
