Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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