i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
