That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
