If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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