Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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