I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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