she woke up with a sticky ear
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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