You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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