I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
