i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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