Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
