The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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