I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize