I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
