Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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