You just made me feel so damn special
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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