can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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