You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
