I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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