I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
