I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
