I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
