So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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