1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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