Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
