babies were throwing up all over the place
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
